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i've been a hair puller (or 'trichotillomaniac") for 10 years. since i was 14 years old.
my episodes can range from a few pulls of hair that lasts a few minutes and is fairly calm
to serious, long sessions met with frustration, extreme anxiety and fast, ripping motion
(i actually had one of these episodes last night)
i dont know if i'm just in denial about this
maybe i am...
but everywhere i look, i see trichotillomania characterized as self-injurous behavior
maybe it IS
maybe i'm afraid of being lumped in with someone who might cut?
i feel tension building up inside of me and i find myself with this incredible, undying urge to pull hair from my body
and when i start...sometimes, it's hard to stop.
i guess in a way, i do it to temporarily relieve tension/anxiety or hurt in some other way
like self-injurers tend to do
i dont know...it's always bothered me, though
((shrugs)) =/
the homeboy joey from asiid crew on americas best dance crew 2.
he's baaaaaaaaad as hell.
great dancer.
he's also profoundly deaf
but do i care? not really.
((insert dreamy sigh))
there are only lessons to be learned
there is no hell
and heaven is not something you must earn
it is yours for the taking
i did come off a bit harsh and judgemental
and if you are one of those people i was talking about
i do realize that everyone's life creation and discovery is different than mine
i guess we're all learning continuously.
i dont take back WHAT I said
but i do take back HOW i said it.
what i really wanted to do was have some people look at the way they approach relationships
to get help people get rid of the "i need a savior" syndrome.
i'm pretty sure i cant do that for everyone
but that's ok to me.
i've been living my life for the past few years
doing my best to build myself and create my world as beautiful as i want it to be
i've become more self-aware.
which allows me to be more receptive to my world
and also allows me to look back on the things i say and do much quicker than i could have some years back
everyone will "get" what they need to
when it's time for them to understand it
i guess this was a lesson in me realizing that our lives and our paths are unique.
i value the path you choose.
LOVE,
...*Lekyta
i'm probably the most cynical person in the world in this area of life.
it's funny to me (and a bit sad) how people can fall in love so easily and quickly.
how people (especially young people) get so deep into someone they're dating that EVERY person they date ends up being "the best thing that ever happened to my life" even after only dating for like...2 days.
how just because you found someone who thought you were kind of cute and sort of cool that it was going to be a forever thing.
how can you be so naive to believe that every person you end up with is the "one"
i see people in relationships with one person after another and every one of those people is their "future wife/husband"
and every breakup leaves the person torn apart and over the edge.
stop getting so fucking deep with EVERY fucking person.
stop being so clingy
stop thinking everyone you're ever with is the one you'll be with forever
because chances are...you wont be.
i usually can gauge when a relationship will end fairly quickly
mainly when the lovey-dovey "forever and ever" stuff starts WAY too soon
when you've begun to cling THAT fast
it's downhill from there because SOMEONE in the relationship will feel smothered.
back off some.
i'd love to be able to have my own place in...lets say a year or two.
a small, cozy, cute, safe apartment will do.
1 bedroom. just fine.
i feel like looking at apartments now.
not that i'm eager to get away from living with my family...
or maybe i am? haha
are all sad and distraught over the "loss"
then 2 seconds later they find another girl/boy
and all of a sudden they're totally in love and getting "married" again?
it sort of makes me think that a good amount of people arent really "in love"
but rather are just needy and found someone who'll give them the attention
that they're searching for.
for a lot of people, attention is key
especially if it's the lovey-dovey
touchy-feely type of attention
i dont know if that's insensitive for me to say
but i find it odd that some people
fall in love so easily and so quickly
then again...
i'm sure people find it weird
that i dont fall in love so easily and quickly.
it almost seems like the "norm"
every boyfriend or girlfriend you have
cant be THE love of your life.
they say being in love makes you blind
but REAL love brightens your way
it widens and lengthens your view
i dunno...it just makes me sad
that people feel they need someone to make their lives complete
when really...they wont find the "one"
until they truly get in tune with themselves
everyone's trying to rush the process
when you are finally, truly IN LOVE with YOU
it will be easier for you to attract
someone to share that love with
NO ONE CAN RESCUE YOU.
it isnt their job to make it "better" for you.
that's not what a boyfriend or girlfriend
or husband or wife...or whatever is for.
we'll all get to that place
when we're supposed to
I PROMISE!
TREOS has split
and i'm expecting another band to split...not long from now
we'll give it a couple or few months at most.
i can just see it coming.
mmm.
whatever.
well now i've talked about my family moving into a new house
not only are we moving into a new house
things have turned out with me being an owner (co-owner) of that house.
i'm kinda like "wow"
keep the good vibes coming.
here's to everything turning out great.
i totally totally cleared.
for my job that is.
my clearance (aka "lekyta's not a criminal")
came in today.
YAY ME!
this is my 5th week at bright horizons.
things are going well.
i'm becoming a little more comfortable everyday
but sitll learning and getting used to things.
i cant seem to get enough sleep, though
no matter how early i go to bed
it always feels like i'm up too early.
ah well.
in other news...
i'm pretty excited for april to come
i'm pretty excited for spring to be official.
i'm pretty excited for...i dunno...life?
yeah, that's always exciting.
happy day.
((sniff, sniff))
the dates were released 3 days ago
for the 2008 leg of the walk tour
these are the dates:
April 9 LaCrosse, WI @ South Hall
April 11 Milwaukee, WI @ Rave
April 12 Madison, WI @ Barrymore
April 13 Green Bay, WI @ Meyer Theater
April 15 Indianapolis, IN @ Egyptian
April 17 Covington, KY @ Madison Theater
April 18 Bloomington, IL @ US Cellular Coliseum All
April 19 Royal Oak, MI @ Royal Oak Music Hall All
April 22 Albany, NY @ Northern Lights
April 23 Burlington, VT @ Higher Ground All
April 25 Northampton, MA @ Calvin Theatre
April 26 Hampton Beach, NH @ Casino Ballroom
April 29 Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom
May 1 Falls Church , @ VA State Theatre
May 2 Allentown, PA @ Crocodile Rock
May 3 Lancaster, PA @ Chameleon Club
May 5 Asheville, NC @ Orange Peel
May 6 Myrtle Beach, SC @ House of Blues
May 7 Durham, NC @ Carolina Theatre
i'll be in albany (clifton park), new york
for the northern lights show on april 22.
the dates start in wisconsin (on april 9) and end up in north carolina (may 7)
no nyc for this go 'round
i guess they figured they play there
ALL the time.
it's time to give some other cities a show or two. ha.
anyway...i'm pretty excited
as always. eeeeeeeeee.
hanson show number 12
here i fucking come.
someone posted this blog on a board i go to
it's a blog dedicated to "stuff white people like"
now, i wont say whether white people in general like these things
but it was interesting anyway.
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.co
either you do or you dong
you will or you wont.
what i've had my mind on lately is my health
and getting smart about financial security
it's truly time to get serious about these parts of my life.
i've been in the process of looking for ideas and information
on both of these for the past few days.
i'll keep a log of these things
and how much progress i'm making
or what information i've learned.
excuses = not taking responsibility for my life.
i'm ready.
mmm. yes.
LOA goodies.
http://www.portalsofspirit.com/The%20Mos
if you capture a half hour - an hour or so, read this
http://www.themosescode.com
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v1827932Y8fa2
(a video of the trailer for The Moses Code movie...although i think you can see it on the official site, too)
i'm quite successful at communicating through the written word, but when it comes to face-to-face communication it's a different story. i lose my words, become extremely shy/scared for some reason. when it comes to business-related things, i'm ok there too...i've had many people tell me that i speak well and that i sound "professional"...but in personal situations, i cant seem to open up...or shall i say, i dont allow myself to open up.. there's just a whole different vibe. i think for the most part my fear is that there just isnt or wont be a true connection between me and whoever the other person is/people are. it's only an assumption, of course...and i should probably let it go. i feel like my interests are uninteresting to most other people, so i usually dont share them....and when i do have something to say/add to a conversation, i usually choke on my fear of being misconstrued. it's ridiculous when i think of it....but somehow i have a hard time getting over it.
i can say that i am a bit more comfortable conversating with boys than i am girls. i was thinking about this for the past few days. most of the "profound" or even "semi-profound" conversations i've had have been with males, while my conversations with girls are usually more "light"
i'm not quite sure why this is....but it's interesting anyway.
so there you have it.
hey you.
you're beautiful.
but i dont have to tell you that.
i havent had much to say for these past few days.
work is going great.
i wouldnt even call it work, though.
ummm...
HANSON TOUR DATES FINALLY RELEASED. hahaha
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah baby.
we'll see which one(s) i'll be able to catch.
one thing about having a job for me
has always been the fear of missing shows.
ha.
what else?
i cant think of anything
i'm pretty dry right now.